Too sensitive… or triggered? Understanding emotional triggers

My experience

I’ve been told on many occasions that I’m “too sensitive.”

“The trouble with you, Jane, is you’re too sensitive.”

I’ve even said it to myself: “I’m just too sensitive.”

It’s something I’ve heard from others too—people wondering if they’re too sensitive, or talking about someone else as being “too sensitive.”

There were many times I wished I wasn’t so sensitive—

to crowded places,

the atmosphere in a room,

other people’s moods,

the pain and suffering of others—including animals,

conflict…

And most of all, anything that felt like criticism—my work, my appearance, my personality—would land as a personal blow.

I felt it deeply.

I couldn’t really laugh at myself either… maybe if I took the lead, but not when it came from someone else.

To make sense of it, I told myself there must be something wrong with me.

Everyone else seemed different—they managed things better, or at least that’s how it looked to me.

So I tried to hide it.

But inside, I was constantly navigating the gap between who I was… and who I wanted to be—someone who seemed to handle things better than I did, more confident, more at ease.

I hadn't heard this phrase back then:

“Be the best version of yourself rather than a poor copy of someone else.”

But even if I had, I don’t think I would have believed it.

I was too busy trying to think like other people—trying to get it right, trying to be acceptable.

And it didn’t feel right. I can see now it was inauthentic—but at the time, I was just doing the best I could.

But I didn’t trust myself enough to be me, because I believed there was something wrong with me.

Somewhere along the way, I lost my sense of who I was.

I felt like I’d merged with everyone else. I didn’t really know who I was anymore—I felt suffocated.

And I knew at that point I needed some help.

The truth was, I didn’t like being sensitive—and I didn’t really like myself.

There were parts of me I did like—but because they were already there, I overlooked them and focused on what I felt needed improving.

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Seeing it differently

Over time—especially through my counselling training and my own personal therapy—I began to see things differently.

I realised something that, at the time, felt surprising:

I’m normal.

In fact, as I’ve got older, I’ve come to believe we’re all a bit strange and contradictory—in a very human way.

And I’ve made peace with more of who I am.

That doesn’t mean I’m “sorted”—I’m not. There are still things I’m working on. But I am a very different person from who I was back then.

What I’ve come to see is that sensitivity isn’t all bad.

In fact, it helps me in my work as a therapist. It allows me to attune to a client, to empathise, and to notice what isn’t being said.

These things require a level of sensitivity—and in that sense, I feel I’m in the right work.

I’ve come to realise that a lot of what I called sensitivity was actually anticipation—anticipating other people’s moods, their unhappiness, their stress… and trying to offset it before it even happened.

And when people say “you’re too sensitive”, it might sometimes be more about them than it is about you.

I know that now. Back then, I didn’t—I thought it meant there was something wrong with me.

But I also began to understand that parts of my sensitivity were shaped by my early environment.

Growing up in an environment that, at times, felt unpredictable or unsafe to me, meant I learned to read everything—people, tone, mood—driven by a need for safety.

You adapt. You mould yourself.

And over time, that can look like “being too sensitive.”

Maybe I would have been a sensitive child regardless—maybe not. But this is how I’ve come to understand it.

And I’m okay with that.

I’ve also come to see that my sensitivity has helped me build a better relationship with myself—which also helps me in my relationships.

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What I began to understand

In my search for understanding, I began to see the beliefs I was holding.

I believed I was different—that there was something wrong with me. That there was a right way to be… and I wasn’t it.

So I felt I had to mould myself to become “right”—because if I didn’t, I would be rejected.

There were many beliefs, but one stood out:

I needed to be perfect to be loved.

And underneath that—I needed to be like other people to be liked.

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What I started to notice

If I’m holding a belief that I’m “too much” for someone, it makes sense that I’ll look for evidence to support that.

I’ll notice the tone of voice—the look, the pause in a conversation.

And I’ll interpret it through that belief.

If I’m “too much,” then it follows that I might be rejected… or unloved.

So I adapt.

I soften myself. I hold things in. I try to get it right.

Not because I’m “too sensitive”… but because I’m trying to stay safe.

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So what about you?

How sensitive are you, really?

If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed or reacting strongly on a frequent basis, it might not be that you’re “too sensitive”…

It may be that you’re experiencing emotional triggers—responses shaped by past experiences that influence how you see yourself and the world around you.

What we often call “being too sensitive” can sometimes be a nervous system that’s learned to stay on alert.

And that’s exhausting.

Living in that state keeps your system on alert. It keeps you in stress mode. And over time, it wears you down.

But your reaction is real.

You’re responding to something that feels true in the moment—and that’s normal.

Sometimes, though, what we’re reacting to isn’t just what’s happening now… it’s everything that moment touches.

If any of this feels familiar, you’re not the only one.

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A different way of seeing it

Rather than rejecting your sensitivity completely… maybe it’s worth opening up to the possibility that it’s more complex than that.

More nuanced.

Sensitivity, when it’s grounded—when you have your feet on the floor and a clearer sense of what’s true—can offer something valuable.

It can give you insight, awareness, and a deeper way of experiencing life.

Maybe your sensitivity had to be “too much” at one point—because it helped you navigate what you were living through.

And it may still be shaping how you respond now.

But that doesn’t mean it has to run everything.

When we begin to see things more clearly, something shifts inside us.

And from that place, we have more choice.

Our responses are no longer so driven by old beliefs, but by a clearer understanding of what’s really going on.

You might start by simply noticing—what am I reacting to right now, and does it belong to this moment… or something older?

So maybe it’s not about becoming less sensitive.

Maybe it’s about understanding what’s happening inside you—and learning how to support yourself differently.

It’s an ongoing process.

And it starts with meeting yourself where you are—with curiosity… and compassion.

Not rejection.

Not trying to be someone else.

But beginning, gently, to accept who you are right now.

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If you struggle with people-pleasing and want to understand

yourself more clearly, you’re welcome to join me.

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