When Roles Change: Rediscovering Meaning in Midlife

Leaping into a new chapter — life beyond roles, chosen by you.

Why Meaning Matters

When I first read Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl, what struck me most was how something so simple — the need to belong, to matter — could be both so obvious and yet so easily overlooked. Frankl wrote from the most unimaginable circumstances, yet what he discovered about the human spirit was universal: we all need a reason to be here, a place where we feel wanted, needed, connected to others.

Lessons from Viktor Frankl

Frankl’s book drew on his experiences as a prisoner in Nazi concentration camps. Stripped of everything — family, possessions, freedom, dignity — he observed that survival wasn’t just about physical strength. Those who endured longest were often those who had a sense of purpose: something or someone to live for. His conclusion was simple but profound: life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose.

A person who has a reason to keep going can face even the worst of situations, because there is something greater than their own suffering. When there is meaning, we can bear almost anything.

Midlife Transitions: When Roles Shift

Most of us will never experience the extremity Frankl endured, but his insight still touches something in us. Because when our sense of meaning feels shaky, even ordinary life can feel heavy. The roles that once anchored us — mother, carer, supporter, worker — begin to shift. The people who once depended on us no longer need us in the same way. And so we’re left wondering: what now?

For many women in midlife, meaning has long been tied to our role of service — to those we love, to those who depended on us. We nurtured, guided, supported, and cared. That role became so second-nature that we didn’t question it; it was simply who we were.

The Mrs Doyle Effect

A sketch from Father Ted comes to mind. Mrs Doyle, the housekeeper, waits in the dark with a cup of tea — just in case Father Ted comes downstairs. On this occasion, he does. He doesn’t want the tea. He switches off the light and goes back to bed. And still, Mrs Doyle stands there, cup in hand, “just in case.”

It isn’t really about tea. Mrs Doyle lives in constant readiness — tending to every possible need, from food to drink to comfort. Her whole purpose is wrapped up in being available. And while it’s funny on screen, it also reflects something many of us recognise: that role of standing by, always on call, quietly measuring our worth by how useful we are to others.

Many of us have lived our own version of Mrs Doyle — waiting, anticipating, always ready “just in case,” and then wondering why no one really sees us.

The Mirror We Create

But here’s the difficult truth: your behaviour creates a mirror. When you ignore yourself and focus only on others, others will ignore you too. They assume you’re taking care of yourself — because on the surface, you look like you’ve got everything sorted while you’re busy focusing on everyone else. Research even shows that when you appear capable and self-sufficient, people are less likely to notice your struggles — they assume you’re fine, because that’s how you’ve presented yourself.

And here’s the harder question: do you even know what your needs are? If you don’t, then how could anyone else? Without clarity, it becomes a guessing game — as if you’re waiting for someone to be psychic.

Blind Spots and Being Human

This isn’t only about people-pleasers. Even the most assertive person can’t see every part of themselves clearly. A psychology model called Johari’s Window explains this well: it shows that we all have parts of ourselves we know, parts others see that we don’t, and even hidden areas that neither we nor others are fully aware of. There’s no shame in that. It’s simply human.

Rediscovering Meaning in Midlife

Frankl showed us that meaning is essential to human life. And in midlife, meaning often shifts. Children leave home, parents may need care, health changes, relationships evolve. Circumstances change, and suddenly we find ourselves reassessing: Who am I now? What is my purpose?

The first step is to pause. To stop and really think. To come back to yourself. This isn’t about abandoning the people you love — it’s about building a life that is yours, not only theirs. That takes baby steps: grieving the loss of old roles, recognising how much of your identity has been tied to focusing on others, and beginning to gently turn that focus inward.

You don’t have to have all the answers straight away. Meaning doesn’t come in a flash of lightning. It comes in small, steady steps — gradually shaping a life that feels chosen by you.

A Fresh Start for You

And whilst this shift can leave you feeling lost, it also offers the chance for a fresh start — a time to look beyond roles and responsibilities, and begin doing things for you. Why? Because this is your life.

You can still be there for the people you love, but include yourself too. Take up dancing, learn a language, study, join a club — or simply explore something new that sparks your curiosity. Meaning doesn’t have to come from caring for others; it can grow from living more fully, more truthfully, and allowing yourself the freedom to rediscover joy.

A New Chapter, Not an Ending

And sometimes, rediscovering that meaning takes support. For women who have spent years people-pleasing, giving, and standing by “just in case,” it can feel unfamiliar — even frightening — to turn inward and ask what you truly want. But it is possible.

With tools like EFT, Matrix Reimprinting, and gentle therapeutic work, I’ve seen women reconnect with themselves, step out of old patterns, and reclaim a sense of purpose that is their own.

This stage of life isn’t an ending. It’s an opening. It’s not too late to live more fully, more truthfully, and with a meaning that comes from within.

If this message has resonated with you, I’d love to stay in touch. My monthly newsletter offers reflections, encouragement, and practical tools to help you reconnect with yourself and rediscover meaning in midlife. As a thank you, you’ll also receive my free guide: 5 Steps to Reclaim Your True Self when you sign up.

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