How to Start Using Your Voice – One Small Step at a Time

Introduction

Have you ever held back from saying what you really think? Maybe you’ve stayed quiet in conversations, avoided asking for help, or said yes when you really wanted to say no.

If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. Many women over 50 have spent years prioritising others, keeping the peace, and minimising their own needs. But here’s the truth: your voice matters.

If speaking up feels daunting, you don’t have to make a huge change overnight. The key is to start small—because small steps lead to big change.

Why We Hold Back

Many women have been conditioned to believe that speaking up is risky or selfish. Here are some common reasons:

• Early Conditioning – Messages like “Be nice,” “Don’t cause a fuss,” or “Put others first” create deep-rooted beliefs about staying quiet.

  
  

• Fear of Rejection – “What if they don’t like what I have to say?”

  
  

• Avoiding Conflict – “It’s just easier to stay quiet.” For many, avoiding conflict is not just about keeping the peace but also about avoiding trouble or the fear of being seen negatively by others.

  
  

• Low Self-Worth – “What I say doesn’t really matter.”

• Work, Relationships, Friendships, Family – Many women feel pressure to be agreeable in these spaces, fearing that speaking up might disrupt harmony.

  
  

If you relate to any of these, know this: this familiar way of being can be changed, allowing you to feel more aligned with your true self.

5 Small Steps to Start Using Your Voice

💡 1. Practice Saying No in Low-Stakes Situations

Saying no doesn’t have to start with big decisions. Begin small:

✅ When a shop assistant asks, “Would you like a store card?” respond, “No, thank you.”

✅ When a friend invites you out but you’re not up for it, simply say, “I’ll pass this time.”

No guilt, no over-explaining—just a firm and kind no. If it helps, you can end on a positive note to soften the shift. For example, “I appreciate you asking, but I’ll have to say no this time. Hope you have a great time!” This helps bridge the gap between where you are now and where you want to be.

💡 2. Swap Apologies for Stronger Statements

If you tend to over-apologise, try shifting your words when it’s unnecessary. However, don't be afraid to say sorry when it’s genuinely appropriate—offering an apology can be a sign of respect and thoughtfulness. The key is to use it meaningfully, rather than as a default response.

❌ “Sorry I’m late.” → ✅ “Thanks for waiting.”

❌ “Sorry to bother you.” → ✅ “Do you have a moment?”

❌ “Sorry for asking.” → ✅ “I’d like to ask something.”

You don’t need to apologise for existing. Your words are valuable.

💡 3. Make Tiny Requests

Small requests build confidence. Try asking for:

✅ The seat you prefer in a café.

✅ A small adjustment to your meal order.

✅ A favour from a friend or colleague.Each request reminds you that your needs matter.

💡 4. Adjust Your Body Language

Confidence isn’t just about words—it’s in how you carry yourself:

✔️ Stand tall – Good posture supports a stronger voice.

✔️ Make eye contact – Shows confidence and connection.

✔️ Breathe before speaking – Helps you feel grounded and in control.

✔️ Relax your shoulders – Reduces tension and helps you feel at ease.

✔️ Use hand gestures naturally – Reinforces what you’re saying and keeps you engaged.

Your body speaks before you do—use it to your advantage!

💡 5. Shifting from Hesitancy to Confidence—Finding the Middle Ground

Many women worry that becoming more assertive means being forceful or aggressive. But assertiveness isn’t about being harsh—it’s about being clear, honest, and respectful of both your needs and others.

There’s a middle ground between passivity and full assertiveness, and that’s absolutely fine. If going from always saying “yes” to a direct “no” feels too hard, try softer approaches:

✅ Instead of “Yes, I’ll do it”, try “I’d love to help, but I can’t this time.”

✅ Instead of staying silent, try “I hear what you’re saying, but I see it differently.”

✅ Instead of agreeing just to keep the peace, try “I’d like to add my thoughts to this.”

The goal isn’t to suddenly become outspoken in every situation—it’s to honour your feelings, wants, and needs while still considering others. You don’t have to go from being quiet to speaking up all the time. Even the smallest step toward using your voice is progress. Assertiveness is a skill that develops with practice, and small steps will get you there. It’s not about being assertive all the time—it’s about choosing when and how to speak up in a way that feels right for you.

It can feel odd and uncomfortable at first, and it will likely take some time to get used to. But like any new skill, assertiveness is something you can learn and grow into. The more you practise, the more natural it will feel, and over time, it will become part of who you are.

That said, not every situation requires assertiveness. There will be times when letting something go is simply the better choice—not out of fear, but because it’s not worth the hassle. The key is making that a conscious decision, rather than defaulting to silence out of habit.

Ready for Support?

If you’ve spent years putting others first and staying silent, these small steps can help you begin to change that. But knowing what to do and actually doing it are two different things. If you:

✨ Struggle to say no without guilt

✨ Feel anxious about speaking up

✨ Worry about how others will react

Then let’s work together. In my 1:1 sessions, we go beyond tips—we uncover the deeper reasons behind your struggles and help you shift them for good.

💙 Your voice matters. Your needs matter. Let’s make sure you believe that too.

Are you ready to stop holding back and start using your voice? Let’s make sure you believe that too.

📩 Book your free 30-minute call here

Are you ready to take the next step toward using your voice?