Breaking the Habit of Staying Silent: Why Speaking Up Feels Hard & How to Change It

Jane Nevell
Mar 10
3 min read

Have you ever held back from speaking up, even when something didn’t feel right?

Maybe you’ve said “I don’t mind” when you really did. Maybe you’ve smiled and nodded instead of expressing your thoughts. Maybe you’ve said yes out of habit—because saying no felt too uncomfortable.

If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. Many women, especially those who have spent years prioritising others, find it hard to express themselves openly. But why?

Why We Stay Quiet (Even When We Want to Speak Up)

🔹 Early Conditioning – Many of us learned from a young age that speaking up could lead to conflict, disapproval, or rejection. Whether it was a parent who discouraged "talking back" or a culture that praised being agreeable, staying quiet became a way to keep the peace and feel accepted.

🔹 Fear of Conflict or Rejection – Saying what we truly think carries the risk that someone won’t like it—or won’t like us. When we’ve been conditioned to seek approval, silence can feel like the safer option.

🔹 Repetition Becomes Habit – Over time, staying quiet becomes second nature. What might have started as a protective response turns into an automatic habit, making it feel unnatural or even wrong to express ourselves.

But here’s the truth: 🌱 You can unlearn this pattern. Just as your brain adapted to staying silent, it can also learn to express your voice in a way that feels safe and authentic.

The Cost of Staying Silent

While silence might feel easier in the moment, it comes at a cost:

❌ Resentment – When we don’t express our needs, we end up feeling unseen and unheard. Over time, this can lead to frustration and even burnout.

❌ Loss of Self-Identity – If we spend our lives shaping ourselves to fit the needs of others, we can lose touch with what we actually think, want, and feel.

❌ Erosion of Confidence – The more we hold back, the more we reinforce the belief that our opinions and feelings don’t matter. This can gradually chip away at self-worth.

But here’s the good news: You can start reclaiming your voice, step by step.

How to Start Speaking Up (Without Overwhelm)

If speaking up feels scary, you don’t have to jump straight into difficult conversations. Instead, start small—one step at a time.

💡 1. Pause Before Responding Before automatically saying yes or agreeing, take a breath and check in with yourself:

"Do I really want this?"

"What would I say if I weren’t afraid of their reaction?"

💡 2. Practice Expressing Small Preferences Start with low-pressure situations, like choosing what to eat, where to sit, or what movie to watch. This helps rewire your brain to recognise that your opinions matter.

💡 3. Reframe Speaking Up as Self-Respect Instead of seeing self-expression as "conflict," try viewing it as self-care: ✔ "I’m not being difficult—I’m being honest." ✔ "I have the right to take up space." ✔ "My needs are just as important as anyone else’s."

💡 4. Use EFT Tapping to Shift Fear & Guilt If the idea of speaking up brings up guilt or anxiety, EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques) can help calm your nervous system and change old thought patterns.

Try this simple tapping exercise:

1️⃣ Tap gently on your collarbone and repeat: 💬 “Even though I’ve learned to stay quiet, I accept myself and my reasons.”

2️⃣ Take a deep breath and release.

3️⃣ Now say: 💬 “It’s okay for me to think differently from others.”

4️⃣ If (and only if) it feels safe, try: 💬 “I give myself permission to express myself in small ways.”

Your Voice Matters—Even If You’re Not Ready to Use It Yet

The journey to speaking up isn’t about forcing yourself into uncomfortable situations. It’s about slowly rebuilding trust in your own voice.

💙 Where can you start this week? Maybe it’s voicing a small preference, setting a boundary, or simply reminding yourself that your thoughts and feelings are valid.

🌿 If you’re ready to go deeper, I offer 1:1 EFT & Matrix Reimprinting sessions to help women over 50 release the old patterns that keep them stuck and rediscover their true selves.

💬 I’d love to hear from you! Have you ever struggled to speak up? What helps you feel safe expressing yourself? Drop a comment below.

👉 Learn more about my work here: truelifetapping.com

#TrueLifeTapping #BreakingPatterns #HealingJourney #WomenOver50 #EmotionalFreedom #FindYourVoice #AuthenticityMatters